Their relationship started out like many of those old Hollywood romance movies of the 40's and 50's. They had been good friends for many years, but suddenly one day it changed. He looked at her, and something was different. He realized that somewhere along the line, his feelings for a friend had deepened, and he couldn't explain how or why it had happened, but he knew that it had. And it was one of those things that only God or maybe Emily Dickenson could explain. But things were definitely different; deeper feelings of love were being felt between the two of them.

The relationship continued to grow and deepen for several years, until they decided that they were ready to become man and wife. He asked her to marry him and she said yes. The man was overjoyed. He had found the woman that God had wanted him to spend the rest of his life with, raise a family with, and to grow old together with.

But just as suddenly as they had realized their feelings had deepened, the relationship ended. There was not much explanation other than "You are not the man, I think I am supposed to marry."

The man was devastated. What had happened? Why was his life flipped upside down? Wasn't this God's plan for him?

The man found himself asking God a lot of hard questions. This wasn't the plan. The man had been faithful; listening to what he thought and had always figured was God's will. He was prayerful in listening to what the Holy Spirit had told him. He liked his life, he was excited about the direction it seemed to be heading in. He was comfortable. Had he gotten it wrong somewhere along the way? He was hurt, sad, and angry and this came across in his prayers to and with God. In light of his feelings, he wondered if those prayers were even being heard.

Feelings of anger toward God are nothing new. People have been angry or upset with God since the beginning of time. Our Scriptures are full or people complaining, or to put it in a different way, asking God why. Why are my enemies triumphing over me? Why are my sons and husband dead? How long will we be in exile?

We hear this questioning in our Old Testament reading this morning. The New Revised Standard Version of the Bible says that the Israelites were complaining. It is interesting to note that the original Hebrew and later Greek words translate as murmur. Murmur doesn't have quite as negative connotation in my mind, but regardless the Israelites were upset with God and the difficult situation they found themselves in.

And why shouldn't they be? They left their homes in Egypt where they had their fill of bread and meat and at least they knew what to expect. While they are in the desert, they longed for home. How quickly they desire to turn back to what is familiar. Had they forgotten that while there, they were Pharaoh's slaves?

The plan to go to the Promised Land wasn't going how the Israelites thought it should. They were faithful; they had listened, so why now were they suffering? Moses could hear them muttering to God, complaining that they were going to die in the wilderness while God seemingly did nothing.

Many of us, sitting here in this church where we confess our belief in a God that loves and cares for us, have had moments where it seems God is doing nothing in our lives, or seemingly isn't even there.

We know, or at least we hope, that God hears our complaints, but in the midst of our sorrow or anger, it can seem like our prayers are falling on deaf ears, or that "God has become an abstraction, an elegant hypothesis, but scarcely the source or object of love."¹ It can feel like we have been stranded, as if we are on an island all by ourselves with no way to get off.

The good news is that God does indeed hear our complaints, just as He heard the complaints of the Israelites. Not only were the Israelites heard, but God also provided for them, just as we are continually being provided for today. But sometimes God's provision doesn't match our expectations of what we believe God should be doing.

For the Israelites in the desert, God provided them with manna, bread from heaven. When the Israelites saw it, they asked each other "What is it?" This is what the Hebrew word manna means; it translates into "What is it?" God had provided for the Israelites in ways they did not expect.

When we are feeling as though God is no longer there, or that God is no longer providing for us, we need to examine those feelings.

First we need to realize that it is ok to "complain" to God. This is allowed, and I believe God encourages us to ask "why." Some people feel that "complaining" is unbiblical, or unfaithful, and leads to not believing in God's plan for you and will even lead one down the road to unbelief.

But one only needs to look at Psalm 22 to see that the psalmist is crying out to God, asking why. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from helping me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer; and by night, but find no rest."²

Jesus, himself, asks His Father why. He repeats the words of psalm 22, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"³ Biblical scholars have called this Jesus' prayer of abandonment.⁴ They very fact that Jesus has cried out this question sanctifies it; makes it holy; makes it ok for us to say and even more, makes it ok for us to feel this way.

Clearly our expectations and our plans do not always come to fruition. So what about just following God's will and plan for us? Now there is a simple thought, but a very complicated matter. We need to understand that God does not move us around like little chess pieces on the board of life. If this were the case, then we would have no freedom at all. And free will is the gift that makes us more than just animals and "just a little lower than angels,"⁵ as the Psalmist states in psalm 8.

We hear so often that the death of a loved one, or in the case of the young man, a called off engagement, must have been the will of God. Many times people will say this, not meaning any harm, but rather because they don't know how to make sense of a tragedy, loss, or an event that doesn't seem to make any sense. Sometimes we simply can't explain why bad things happen to good people. But they do. What can come out of these situations is that engagement, must have been the will of God. Many times people will say this, not meaning any harm, but rather because they don't know how to make sense of a tragedy, loss, or an event that doesn't seem to make any sense. Sometimes we simply can't explain why bad things happen to good people. But they do. What can come out of these situations is that our faith can be tested, our true character revealed.

Bad, or evil situations can reveal invitations to become who God wants us to be. These situations aren't sent down from on high as a test, but in my heart I know that God rejoices when we come through them stronger Christians; ready to show strength, forgiveness, and most of all love.

And it seems to me that we feel most separated from God when we see things not going the way we would like for them to go, or different from how we thought God's plan should be. We tend to jump to conclusions in the middle of a life event: either this is or isn't God's will. Or God isn't measuring up to who I expected God to be. I have been a good and faithful Christian. Why then, is all this bad stuff happening to me. These life events can be an invitation to grow, and growth can be scary and painful. It can take us away from who or what we know. This can lead us to clam up in our prayer life or even lose our faith. But if we keep the faith and remember that God is always with us, the very same events can lead to real amendment of life.

Just as God provided manna, the bread from heaven, for the Israelites in the wilderness, so to has God provided for us today. Our Gospel reading tells us that it is "the Father who gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is that which comes down from heaven and gives life to the world."⁶ In the giving of the manna to the Israelites, God revealed not only what He could do, but also who God is. The God of the Israelites has great power and can perform mighty acts. But more importantly, the God of Israel loves and desires a relationship with them, and wants to dwell with them, who chose through the Word made flesh to live in and love the world.⁷ And we are the beneficiaries of this gift, of God's provisions. Both in the saving act of Jesus Christ and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.

In the midst of our hectic, disordered, wonderful, chaotic, and sometimes painful life, the Holy Spirit leads us to see God's truth. We must make ourselves open and available to hear and see the truth, which may be different from our own plans and assumptions. In the case of the young man, yes he was hurt and devastated by the sudden change in life plans. But he prayed for strength, guidance, and wisdom and used the experience to grow. By going through this period of loss he was able to see how the young woman had changed his life for the better and he could give thanks for the relationship. It was not what he had originally thought of as God's plan, but what he could take away from the situation was God's truth. May we be open to new growth and new opportunities as the Spirit moves within us, and may we continually discern what God's will in our lives may be.

Amen

¹ Guenther, Margaret The Practice of Prayer (Cowley Publications: Cambridge, Massachusetts, 1998) 160
² Psalm 22:1-2
³ Matthew 27:46, Mark 15:34
⁴ Guenther, 159
⁵ Psalm 8:5
⁶ John 6:32-33
⁷ New proclamation: Year B, 2009. David B. Lott, ed. (Fortress Press: Minneapolis. 2008), 158