"What is that?" I asked her,
but she answered evasively.

So, I began to suspect
that somewhere along the way today
someone would make mention
of the fact that today
is our 7,420th day
as members of the Saint James Community.

That number, obviously chosen
as the diameter in miles of the earth
at the Equator, on a very hot day.

The suspicion was enough
to cause me to reflect,
in the several days since,
about how I have changed over the years
and, indeed, during my lifetime.
Looking at 20 year old photos of one's self
can do that.

My perspective and appreciation
of a lot of things
are quite different now.

They are different
because of the people we have known
and the challenges we have faced (or not faced).
I was born and reared
at the end of an age
the theologians call, "the age of Christendom."

that is, the time
when breathing
and being a part of the dominant culture
were all one needed
to consider oneself to be a Christian.

I remember as a youngster
longing for the time
when I could be a Crucifer.

But, I was far too small ­ a little bitty guy,
and I had some growing to do.

So, for years I dreamed
of walking down the gangway
carrying that beautiful cross
toward God's altar,
perhaps with choir and clergy following
although that never seemed to enter
my dream.
It was a grand vision, I thought,
and, I did grow to carry that cross.

Adults have to grow up too
for one has to learn
what the Cross,
and, indeed, crosses in general
are all about.

The Cross was the manner
in which Jesus died.

It was the natural result
of his not caving in
to the dominant culture
that oppressed and de-humanized
the children of God in his day.

And, then, I sort of got over that horror
by saying,
"Well, better he do it than I."
"He was able to do that
I don't have to."

But, then came Luke 14, today's Gospel story
"Whoever does not bear his own cross
and come after me
cannot be my disciple."

That pretty well did it.
I wanted none of that,
and so felt something of a faux Christian
for quite a long time.

But, the fact is,
one cannot hide forever
from the Truth.

In Deuteronomy today
the reading says,
"See, I have set before you
life and death;
blessings and curses -
Choose life."

Three months ago
Sandy and I discovered an example
of this truth.

God afflicts no one;
but the human organism
- in order to be human -
must also be vulnerable.

In our vulnerability, in fact,
lies our true greatness,
that is, the possibility to become like God.

But, that which allows love and joy
also admits the possibility of pain.

We are given a wonderful gift
of life and Godly possibilities
but, those possibilities can only be realized
by playing out our days
on this capricious stage
of an unfinished earth
and an as yet incomplete human experiment.

The Gospel narrative
tells us of the man, Jesus,
who had God in him as has no other person,
and ran up against
the impediments to true humanity.

God and inhumanity don't mix,
so, acting for God,
Jesus chose to pick up those impediments
so they would be examined
by generations yet unborn;
who would then, by that act,
see God at work.

Jesus took his cross
and lived life head-on,
confronting evil in God's Name.

The result of that courage and faithfulness
is shown in the Resurrection.
He carried his cross well,
and new life abounded for all humankind.

Yet, said I,
perhaps I can just skirt around such challenges
and still be OK.

After all,
we don't all have to be prophets, do we?
or, translated,
"God needs a few wimps like me."

I've got a lump,
said Sandy, three months ago.

Crosses are in the natural order of things.
We each have them.
It is not anyone's fault.
They just are.

Sometimes we can sort of ignore them:
"The poor and hungry aren't our responsibility."
"It's his fault, let him apologize."
"I don't need to invest in the Church."
"The real world works differently from the church
one has to play by the world's rules out there.
"Injury or Cancer won't hit in our house."
Such only happens to others.

But, sometimes, there it is -
just lying there with your name on it.

It's my cross, or your cross
and it can't be ignored forever.

In our case
at least with this cross, with cancer,
one starts with,
"The probabilities are with us."
"There are lots of things that make lumps."

Then comes,
"The lab probably made a mistake."
then:
"I'm sure they got it all."

But, the real danger
is that leaving one's cross on the ground
makes it a real stumbling block,
for it just lies there
and pulsates, and grows.
One can never lift one's eyes from it
to move on.

It becomes a barrier to living and growing.
One can't get past
a cross lying on the ground.

When Jesus said
to pick up your cross,
he was, as he often is,
telling an eternal truth.
He didn't make this stuff up
just to make life hard.

When we pick up our crosses
the barriers are lifted
and new possibilities for true humanity abound.

But, when we take it up
and follow him, that is Jesus,
we are letting all people see
that God-given life
and God-given ways
do not crumble
before the weight of
the individual and corporate failures
of humankind.
or, in the words of Paul,
before life or death
or principalities or powers
or things above or things beneath.

We pick up that which is in our way
and carry it through the places of death,
diminishment, and fear
to new life, and glory.

That is hard to do alone.
It really can't be done alone.

We, Sandy and I, haven't even tried.

The 20+ years here at Saint James
have taught us, your Rectory family,
that lesson.

The community of Faith here
- born of Jesus
but nurtured and given substance,
hands and faces and smiles and love,
through this worship, this fellowship, this church
has power to show us the way,
lend us a hand,
and see us through
to new understandings, new life.

Sandy has received literally thousands
of expressions of love and prayer from you
over the last 3 months,

and she and I
are now first-hand witnesses
to the healing Gospel of Jesus
incarnated in faith community.

and, so are you,
for you gave it to us.

"I have set before you life and death,
blessings and curses;

Choose life, be a Crucifer,
carry your cross in the Lord's way
so that you and your descendants
may live in the joy of the Lord."