Pax et Bonum

The Online worship resource for St. James Parish

November 11, 2009

Too often we exchange freedom
For apparent security.
---Evelyn Underhill---
Lord,
You have been with me all through this day,
Stay with me now.
As the shadows lengthen into darkness
Let the noisy world grow quiet,
Let its feverish concerns be stilled,
Its voices silenced.
 
I have exchanged freedom
For apparent security,
A rich stream of life
For a defensive shell of fixed ideas.
 
Like the limpet I have become,
I will have to be detached from my comfort,
Not by kind words, but by main force...
 
So keep me in the embrace of your Reality
Through this night
And all the days to come.
Let me choose the freedom that only you can give –
Real freedom,
Now and forever.
---Evelyn Underhill---

Freedom or Security?

In the prayer above, spiritual writer Evelyn Underhill says a strange statement:

"I have exchanged freedom for apparent security." This is a paradox. How can one have freedom without security? Doesn’t security give us the freedom we need to do what we desire?

In one sense, this is true. We are a nation who prides itself on freedom, and with that freedom comes security. Many of us have put away large amounts of money to secure our future, so that we will have the freedom in our elder years to live a good life, as we see fit.

But there is a time when security comes in the way of freedom. This happens when we find ourselves being tugged in a different direction, perhaps a God-given direction, and we resist because to give in to that tugging in our heart would be to give up a certain amount of security. This is often one of the first "tests" when we are going through one form of discernment or another. Am I willing to do this? Am I willing to let go of the secure environment I love in order to follow God’s call? Sometimes these nudges are very subtle, such as giving up a favorite activity in order to be involved in a new ministry, or for those of us who are introverts, giving up the security and warmth of home in order to reach out to someone we don’t know. Other times, these nudges can lead us into new ways of living. Is God calling me into pastoral care ministry? Into being a Eucharistic Visitor? Into working with Social Ministries? Into ordained ministry?

Each time we are willing to give up the security that is based on our own levels of comfort, we make room for freedom to enter in. As we become free from the need to create our own security, we make room for God to enter in as well. For our true Security, our true Freedom, comes only as we relinquish ourselves into God’s hands.

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
And the fact that I think that I am following your will
Does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you
Does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road
Though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore I will trust you always
Though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
And you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Praying the Hours: Vigils

I have been writing in these meditations about the contemplative life and last week we looked at the Baptismal promises which comprise the vows of the Christian life. We promise to continue in the Apostle's teaching and fellowship and the prayers. I want to explore what those prayers may be and how we might continue to follow the lead of the Apostles as we order our own prayer life.

The monastic movement within Christianity upholds the tradition of praying the hours, which helps mark the movement of the day through a time of focus upon God. The hours start with vigils and end with compline. Here is a brief outline of times and names:

While the monastic life is set aside for particular observances which are circumscribed and unique, praying the hours can be a reminder for us of God's very near presence at all times and in every place in which we find ourselves.

Let's start with Vigils. To keep vigil is to watch. We have all had times of vigil in our own lives. We keep watch with a sick child or an ailing loved one. We keep vigil with one who has died. We often keep vigil when we are awaiting the birth of a child! The vigil prayer is meant to be a hopeful prayer as we wait, in hope, the return of the Lord.

I am not advocating that we all set our alarms for 4 am so that we can keep vigil, but what I am suggesting is that we remember to reorient our response to darkness.

And darkness comes in all forms, doesn't it? Vigils reminds us that in darkness or despair, or hopelessness, or confusion, our prayer of waiting is focused on the presence of Christ. When we find ourselves awake in the night, we can turn to that hope, and change our wakefulness to enlightenment.

We can practice being conscious, noticing the many ways that God is present to us and with us, when we allow ourselves to pray the vigil prayer. We can light a candle within the darkness of our fears, and we can join with others to illuminate the darkness of the world.

We pray in darkness because we are confident of the light in Christ Jesus.

What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.
---John 1---

Daily Morning Prayer

Daily Morning Prayer

This Week at St. James

Prayers Etc.

Today we remember our Veterans, from World War II, Korea, Vietnam, Gulf War, Kosovo, Iraq, Afghanistan, and the many other places and times they have been deployed. We pray for them, for their families and loved ones, for those who have died, and remember with honor their bravery that brought us the freedom we so often take for granted.

For those on our prayer list:

For Matt Rogers, our Postulant

Almighty God, we commend to your gracious care and keeping
All the men and women of our armed forces at home and abroad.
Defend them day by day with your heavenly grace;
Strengthen them in their trials and temptations;
Give them courage to face the perils which beset them;
And grant them a sense of your abiding presence
Wherever they may be;
Through Jesus Christ our Lord, AMEN
---BCP, p. 823---

In Closing:

Our soul needs a veritable spring cleaning,
A turning out, a rearrangement of our mental furniture,
A wide opening of closed windows,
So that he notes of the wild birds
Beyond our garden may come to us
Fully charged with wonder and frshness,
And drown with their music
The noise of the gramophone within.
To open our soul to Reality
Requires industry and good will.
But work at it and we will discover
That we have been living in a stuffy world
Whilst our inheritance was a world of morning glory
Where every tit-mouse is a celestial messenger,
And every thrusting bud
Is charged with the full significance of life.
---Evelyn Underhill---

Pax et Bonum,
Loree+

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